The dictionary that came with my Mac describes PROSTITUTION as “the practice or occupation of engaging in sexual activity with someone for payment.”

Humm…  Are you and I “bad” if we’re getting it on, and at some point, somebody pays for a pepperoni pizza ordered from take-out?

I mean it, what IS good and bad when it comes to sex?

Is a street hooker BAD? Is the British actor, Hugh Grant, BAD? In 1995 he paid for oral sex and got it in the back of a car in Hollywood. Then he got caught. Here’s what Hugh said on Jay Leno’s Tonight Show right after that: “I think you know in life what’s a good thing to do and what’s a bad thing, and I did a bad thing. And there you have it.”

There you have it. Hugh said he did a bad thing and his marriage folded because of it. But suppose that naughty boy hadn’t gotten caught with his pants down? Suppose Hugh hired a call girl for a hotel fling and no one ever knew. Was he still bad if no walls came tumbling down?

Is sex for money bad? Is it DESTRUCTIVE?

Just for the record, I’ll give you my answer. Pay-for-play isn’t destructive. The LIES around it are.

But here’s a bigger question: If YOU are a prostitute, are YOU destructive? Totally open answer, right? And so is the definition of “prostitution.” So I’m gonna take you on a head trip about this, showing just how absurd and cloudy this idea can be.

A street hooker, a brothel lady, a call girl and even an high priced escort, all prostitutes, right? But there’s a new expression out there. It’s a called a GFE, a girl friend experience. And when you pay extra for GFE with an escort, the time with her sorta feels like a date, with a meeting of the minds and holding hands. Is this still prostitution? “Yes!” you say, because at the end of the night, besides dinner and shelling out for a room, comes that perk of cash for the “hook-up.” But is THIS bad? Or the fact that Mr. John told his wife he was in a business meeting from eight to eleven?

What about SUGAR BABY – SUGAR DADDY meet-ups? College girls are now paying down student loans with an “allowance” they get from rich older dudes. And they consider it dating. Maybe it is. Two consenting adults start a relationship with an “understanding.” They share social events and build a chatty friendship. Are the girls prostitutes? Or are they simply dating older, successful men who can help them get a start in life?

Okay, before you answer, forget the sugar baby “allowance” thing. What about young ladies dating rich older men without that start-up contract? They don’t get a retainer. What they CAN get, after sex, is a credit card and shopping trips. Seems to me, the gals are modern mistresses. Anything wrong with that? Is a mistress a prostitute?

You might say, “No,” if she likes the guy, likes the sex, and there’s more to the relationship than just a romp in the bed. And if her benefactor isn’t married, even better! Then he’s just married to his job, and she’s his girlfriend when he’s in town. And he doesn’t even have to be old. Just wealthy enough to pay for everything and want sex.

So boiling this down, if you’re getting your rent paid and a new Camero, but you LIKE the guy, you are NOT a prostitute. In other words, when YOU want the sex, it’s not a job, and there’s nothing to pay for.

Okay, then the opposite must be true: if you DON’T want the sex, but you do it after a guy pays for the date, then you ARE a “bad” girl. Or woman. Or granny. And it’s time to enter a convent.

No? I’m wrong about that? Gee… Guess I got the payment-for-sex definition wrong. But there’s more examples that twists that logic.

A female DOMINATRIX verbally and physically “abuses” her client. The dominatrix usually stays in costume, and except for releasing bodily fluids onto her slave, doesn’t actually have a sexual connection. Still, her client gets off, in his mind. And it’s just as real.

Since the Dominatrix didn’t have physical sex with the dude, but he paid for it anyway, is she a naughty prostitute?

Today, a lot of teenagers think a blow job is not the “real thing.” So doing it, and getting it, isn’t really “bad.” Rationalization? Or prostitution if Johnny buys Janie an ice cream?

What about PHONE SEX? Girls talk, guys listen, go into fantasies, pop off, and tap their PayPal accounts. Again, no physical sex exchanged. But it happened. Prostitution?

What about PORN STARS? Did you know that sex movie performers are NOT paid to screw in front of a camera. They are paid for the LICENSING RIGHTS to distribute the videos they make. Are the performers prostitutes if they don’t get paid to have sex? Are they bad people? Are the people watching them bad?

Now for the big leap. Remember the definition: PROSTITUTION is “the practice or occupation of engaging in sexual activity with someone for payment.”

WHAT constitutes “payment?” How about traditional dating and courting? Too much of a stretch? By the strict definition, it may not be, especially when he wants to roll in the hay more than she does.

See, the concept of “prostitution” is flawed. And so is the idea of immoral sex.

If a girl emails nude pictures of herself, and her boyfriend masturbates to those pictures, and the next weekend he pays for a movie and a Marie Callender pie, is she a prostitute?

If a lady is hired because of her looks, the boss comes on to her sexually, she fights him off but she stays in the job for the salary, is she a prostitute? You say sex was not exchanged. But is WAS, in his mind, like with phone sex and submitting to domination. The boss is keeping her on payroll to feed his sexual fantasies. Shades of gray? Right. Exactly my point.

Defining morality is a slippery slope!

What about ARRANGED MARRIAGES where young girls don’t love their older husbands? Are these child brides prostitutes? Are they bad little girls? Or are they rape victims? Can a wife be a rape victim? In many cultures, they are not allowed to be. But we know they are.

What about good marriages breaking down when the love goes away? There are situations where a husband and wife stay together for monetary reasons or for the benefit of their children. He’s the bread-winner, he still expects sex, and she reluctantly gives it. Is she a prostitute? A fallen woman?

No! No! No! And yet, by definition, if she’s a stay-at-home mom with no income, but gets “house money,” and she’s expected to give sex, she’s prostituting herself. “But…” you say. “She’s the dutiful wife. She’s supposed to make her husband happy. Marriage makes bedtimes acceptable.” Well it doesn’t always. Demanded sex is demanded sex. And if an unwanted baby is born because of it, that makes the situation even worse. Yet “ministers of justice” make hard and fast rules about right and wrong, good and bad, what’s sinful and what’s not. This is insane!

Let US decide what is morally right! If sex is freely and honestly exchanged, among adults, it is NOT destructive. What IS damaging, are the judgments, deceit, manipulation and punishment surrounding it.

Hey world! We just want to feel good! STOP TRYING TO MAKE US FEEL BAD!



This post was originally published on CuriosityQuills.com.


COMING SOON to this site: A story titled “BAD” – a look at the world of sugar babies.



  1. Edwin Tucker says:

    We wish to feel good, but what is it that makes us feel good? In the end, does sexual activity leave us feeling good? It seems that for some,. this is a focal point of life and all else is of secondary importance. For others, the attraction of sexual activity and the urge
    to engage in sexual activity is an impediment to concentrating on activities that bring greater satisfaction than does sex – engaging in sexual activity then is satisfaction of an urge, such as urination or defecation are, or for that matter eating and drinking. And again there are some for whom eating for example is a prime focus of living.
    We have attached all kinds of thoughts regarding moral law to sex. There is perhaps some biological reason for this. There is also maybe this feeling we have in which sexual fullfillment is connected to death, an expiration of the individual after the carrying out of activities of procreation. Of cource this is not part of the life history of our species, none the less is it not perhaps something deeply rooted in the most primitive part of the psyche? Also however, we are aware that in surrendering to sexual temptation we often put ourselves into positions of vulnerability, a Samson weakened by his sexual indulgence. Whence come these feelings? Are they imparted by culture, or rooted in our biology?
    So we look at prostitution, and as the article shows there is not always a clear line between what we as a culture condone as “respectable” sexual relationships and prostitution. In the end it is all a complicated affair, and in the dynamics of sexual relationships, it is often the case that the goals of the different parties are quiet different.
    Ought we to consider that the purpose of pleasure in sex is not to bring enjoyment into our lives but for propagation? The pleasure is a a trick of nature, a deceit, an attribute of the process to propagation. As such, there is this illusury quality to it,
    its promises are always greater than what is delivered, it beckons us with such force that we become willing to sacrifice all for the possibility of the imagined bodily ecstacy. Indeed the sex offered by prostitutes can be most exciting, as the prostitute plays to to the fantacies of the client, and becomes in the best of prostitutorial situations, a woman imbued with that which the man wishes the woman to have in regard to sexual interest and desire – but it is all an act; and because it is an act it can be so delightful, but then there is always a cost, and here the monetary cost may well be significant, and then might there be other costs as well. We perhaps imagine a moral price to be paid, but is that only imaginary?
    Unfortunately for some of us, age does not always bring respite from the forceful influence of sex on our lives, oh but that t would! We are now taught that sexual activity is f middle and old age as well as for youth. That may well be, but then it is an activity that is but an ugly attempt at the vitality of youth.

    1. Irving H. Podolsky says:

      You bring up many good points here, Edwin. Food for further posts about the subject.

      One of the things that I pointed out, and you did too, is that the sex a prostitute gives is an act. But although it’s an act, both parties know it. So in that respect, it’s honest. And it may even be more honest than sex between two consenting people when one is pretending to enjoy it and the other is being fooled.

  2. Jerry's Cousin says:

    Our society puts too much emphasis on sex. If you want it, do it. It’s no one elses business, unless you hurt someone. People have marriage vowels, children, family, businesses to consider. Then they will pay the price. Sexual pleasure lasts a short time. Is what you have, worth losing? As one gets older, sex isn’t as prominant in their relationship. When sex fades, be sure you are with someone you enjoy spending time with. Prostitution is a business. Unfortunately people do get hurt by it when they participate indiscriminately. One must “think” before indulging.
    Have fun!

    1. Irving H. Podolsky says:

      Agree, agree agree!


  3. david foreign says:

    I´ve recently started having sex with prostitutes and I´ve never felt better. I´ve been married for 8 years and we have no sex. That´s basically the only problem we have, other than that we have a perfect blissful partnership. However the lack of sex has had some obvious and negative effects on my psychology. Specifically I would find it hard not to stare at sexy women in the office or women in the street, anywhere, my mind was preoccupied with sex and sexual fantasies and this seemed to make my thinking clouded and uptight. We discussed different solutions, including me picking up girls in bars on boys nights out, to getting some girlfriend purely for sexual satisfaction on the side. .. In the end I started seeing prostitutes and my wife is really happy with this. Prostitution is legal here in the Netherlands and not expensive,, beautiful girls come from all over the world to make some money working in the red light districts.. Its a very simple and straight forward service, 50 euro gets you 15 mintues, which is more than enough to perform the act.. about the same money as a good massage .. and the psychological benefits are profound… I feel so much more relaxed, my thinking is so much clearer.. Its like a big curtain has been lifted and I am excited about life, and what I am doing, even my job which I´ve hated for years.. I finally for the first time enjoy it and am excited about what I do.. this alone is a profoundly positive effect. When I meet attractive female friends of my wifes, I can be normal and relaxed with them, for a change, and enjoy meeting them as people rather than.. being awkward, while I try to suppress sexual fantasies, SO its 15 minutes once a week and it seems perfectly fine to me.. Its hygenic, rubbers are always used, there is no messy emotional complications,

    For the life of me .. besides all of the subliminal religious mind programming .. logically I don´t see a lot of difference between seeing a prostitute for sex, going to a hair dresser to get my hair cut, or getting a massage.. parts of the body are used to service other parts of the body.. and we pay the person for their skill in providing this service.. we use the service because it makes us feel better..

    There are all sorts of different careers in life.. many people don´t enjoy their work. I am sure there are prostitutes who are being exploited and I would never want to participate in that, but its also clear to me that of the prostitutes I´ve seen clearly some really enjoy their work and really try to do a good job and perform an amazing and I think my point is healthy service for society. I think prostitution belongs in the health professionals area and would probably help if it started to be legalized around the world and recognized as such.

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