Humm… Are you and I “bad” if we’re getting it on, and at some point, somebody pays for a pepperoni pizza ordered from take-out?
I mean it, what IS good and bad when it comes to sex?
Is a street hooker BAD? Is the British actor, Hugh Grant, BAD? In 1995 he paid for oral sex and got it in the back of a car in Hollywood. Then he got caught. Here’s what Hugh said on Jay Leno’s Tonight Show right after that: “I think you know in life what’s a good thing to do and what’s a bad thing, and I did a bad thing. And there you have it.”
There you have it. Hugh said he did a bad thing and his marriage folded because of it. But suppose that naughty boy hadn’t gotten caught with his pants down? Suppose Hugh hired a call girl for a hotel fling and no one ever knew. Was he still bad if no walls came tumbling down?
Is sex for money bad? Is it DESTRUCTIVE?
Just for the record, I’ll give you my answer. Pay-for-play isn’t destructive. The LIES around it are.
But here’s a bigger question: If YOU are a prostitute, are YOU destructive? Totally open answer, right? And so is the definition of “prostitution.” So I’m gonna take you on a head trip about this, showing just how absurd and cloudy this idea can be.
A street hooker, a brothel lady, a call girl and even an high priced escort, all prostitutes, right? But there’s a new expression out there. It’s a called a GFE, a girl friend experience. And when you pay extra for GFE with an escort, the time with her sorta feels like a date, with a meeting of the minds and holding hands. Is this still prostitution? “Yes!” you say, because at the end of the night, besides dinner and shelling out for a room, comes that perk of cash for the “hook-up.” But is THIS bad? Or the fact that Mr. John told his wife he was in a business meeting from eight to eleven?
What about SUGAR BABY – SUGAR DADDY meet-ups? College girls are now paying down student loans with an “allowance” they get from rich older dudes. And they consider it dating. Maybe it is. Two consenting adults start a relationship with an “understanding.” They share social events and build a chatty friendship. Are the girls prostitutes? Or are they simply dating older, successful men who can help them get a start in life?
Okay, before you answer, forget the sugar baby “allowance” thing. What about young ladies dating rich older men without that start-up contract? They don’t get a retainer. What they CAN get, after sex, is a credit card and shopping trips. Seems to me, the gals are modern mistresses. Anything wrong with that? Is a mistress a prostitute?
You might say, “No,” if she likes the guy, likes the sex, and there’s more to the relationship than just a romp in the bed. And if her benefactor isn’t married, even better! Then he’s just married to his job, and she’s his girlfriend when he’s in town. And he doesn’t even have to be old. Just wealthy enough to pay for everything and want sex.
So boiling this down, if you’re getting your rent paid and a new Camero, but you LIKE the guy, you are NOT a prostitute. In other words, when YOU want the sex, it’s not a job, and there’s nothing to pay for.
Okay, then the opposite must be true: if you DON’T want the sex, but you do it after a guy pays for the date, then you ARE a “bad” girl. Or woman. Or granny. And it’s time to enter a convent.
No? I’m wrong about that? Gee… Guess I got the payment-for-sex definition wrong. But there’s more examples that twists that logic.
A female DOMINATRIX verbally and physically “abuses” her client. The dominatrix usually stays in costume, and except for releasing bodily fluids onto her slave, doesn’t actually have a sexual connection. Still, her client gets off, in his mind. And it’s just as real.
Since the Dominatrix didn’t have physical sex with the dude, but he paid for it anyway, is she a naughty prostitute?
Today, a lot of teenagers think a blow job is not the “real thing.” So doing it, and getting it, isn’t really “bad.” Rationalization? Or prostitution if Johnny buys Janie an ice cream?
What about PHONE SEX? Girls talk, guys listen, go into fantasies, pop off, and tap their PayPal accounts. Again, no physical sex exchanged. But it happened. Prostitution?
What about PORN STARS? Did you know that sex movie performers are NOT paid to screw in front of a camera. They are paid for the LICENSING RIGHTS to distribute the videos they make. Are the performers prostitutes if they don’t get paid to have sex? Are they bad people? Are the people watching them bad?
Now for the big leap. Remember the definition: PROSTITUTION is “the practice or occupation of engaging in sexual activity with someone for payment.”
WHAT constitutes “payment?” How about traditional dating and courting? Too much of a stretch? By the strict definition, it may not be, especially when he wants to roll in the hay more than she does.
See, the concept of “prostitution” is flawed. And so is the idea of immoral sex.
If a girl emails nude pictures of herself, and her boyfriend masturbates to those pictures, and the next weekend he pays for a movie and a Marie Callender pie, is she a prostitute?
If a lady is hired because of her looks, the boss comes on to her sexually, she fights him off but she stays in the job for the salary, is she a prostitute? You say sex was not exchanged. But is WAS, in his mind, like with phone sex and submitting to domination. The boss is keeping her on payroll to feed his sexual fantasies. Shades of gray? Right. Exactly my point.
Defining morality is a slippery slope!
What about ARRANGED MARRIAGES where young girls don’t love their older husbands? Are these child brides prostitutes? Are they bad little girls? Or are they rape victims? Can a wife be a rape victim? In many cultures, they are not allowed to be. But we know they are.
What about good marriages breaking down when the love goes away? There are situations where a husband and wife stay together for monetary reasons or for the benefit of their children. He’s the bread-winner, he still expects sex, and she reluctantly gives it. Is she a prostitute? A fallen woman?
No! No! No! And yet, by definition, if she’s a stay-at-home mom with no income, but gets “house money,” and she’s expected to give sex, she’s prostituting herself. “But…” you say. “She’s the dutiful wife. She’s supposed to make her husband happy. Marriage makes bedtimes acceptable.” Well it doesn’t always. Demanded sex is demanded sex. And if an unwanted baby is born because of it, that makes the situation even worse. Yet “ministers of justice” make hard and fast rules about right and wrong, good and bad, what’s sinful and what’s not. This is insane!
Let US decide what is morally right! If sex is freely and honestly exchanged, among adults, it is NOT destructive. What IS damaging, are the judgments, deceit, manipulation and punishment surrounding it.
Hey world! We just want to feel good! STOP TRYING TO MAKE US FEEL BAD!
This post was originally published on CuriosityQuills.com.
COMING SOON to this site: A story titled “BAD” – a look at the world of sugar babies.