Months ago I emailed book bloggers asking for reviews of my novels and an invitation to write articles for their sites. Persistence paid off. For the past month I’ve produced two essays per week. My articles, as you know, run about 1200 words.
On Friday I finished a guest post For Bev Sharp and started another for my weekly column. I wrote a first draft, let it sit, wrote it again today. It was political and it was accusatory. I don’t have a problem with taking sides, as long as it stays in my head. Everyone has opinions. But this post assigned blame and was harsh, even with injected humor.
So I threw it out. And it’s Sunday.
Folks, I’m BLOGGED OUT. I don’t have any ideas!
As a last resort I surfed the online newspaper Huffington Post for a story that would make me think. I found it.
A FORTY YEAR OLD RUSSIAN LADY HAS THE STRONGEST VAGINA IN THE WORLD! It lifts dumbbells.
People, you gotta see this. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/08/worlds-strongest-vagina_n_2837269.html?ref=topbar
Now if you’ve scanned the article and clicked the link to Tatyana Kozhevnikova’s own website http://www.intimfitness.com/ you’ll realize, like I did, that a gripping vagina is all about gripping sex. So dudes, if you find one of those, don’t walk away. (I know what I’m talking about. I once dated a leggy gymnast.)
Back to Tatyana. She’s the real deal. She registered her crotch as intellectual property. And not just in Russia. Here’s her local exercise protection.
US Certificate of Copyright Office No.1-420215082, priority of 11/06/2010 “HELTH AND RECREATION PROGRAM WITH ELEMENTS OF SHAPING AND FITNESS FOR INTIMATE MUSCLES OF WOMEN”
(Her misspelling, not mine.)
So what’s this post about? Will I tie-in vaginal crunches with writing novels? No.
Last week I wrote an article for a site called Bex’n’Books. It has a Google content warning and that’s because Becky Johnson reviews ROMANCE and EROTICA novels, which I have never read. But I’ve seen plenty of covers. There’s always a ruggedly shirtless, long-haired warrior dude sharing space with a perfect “ten” long-haired twenty-something chick staring at him with desirous eyes. Or they’re passionately embraced, or he’s holding her ‘cause she just fainted.
Every cover says, Take me. I’m yours.
“I’ll take you,” he whispers, and then he balls her brains out.
Or so my wife tells me, who has read every book with beautiful people ever published.
But I don’t have to read those tales to know that a female author couldn’t possibly perceive what skips through a guy’s brain (second by second) as he tries to keep it up for a marathon romp.
That’s where I come in. I wrote a post about how studs keep it going without firing first. I know about that. I directed porn.
Read my post. I’ll wait. http://bexnbooks.blogspot.com/2013/03/guest-post-18-seduction-mans.html
Now you ask, “So what’s the tie-in between a vagina that lifts weights and holding an erection?”
Humm… There’s gotta be one somewhere. Got any ideas? I don’t.
This post was originally published on Curiosityquills.com.