The world can be divided into two groups:
- Group A wants their sex life private, behind closed doors.
- Group B wants their sex romps open, at least some of them, in front of other eyes or cameras.
I belong to the private Group A and I’m assuming we’re the majority. Establishing that, our planet can be divided again:
- Group #1 likes to watch Group B’s public sex.
- Group#2 does not.
I’m a member of Group #1, and I KNOW we’re the majority, whether we all get to see the shows or not.
Why do people like to watch other people have sex? The same reason they like to have sex themselves. It feels good…if you really want it. “Virtual Sex” tricks our brains into thinking somebody else’s intercourse is our own, and it sure can be. But that’s not what this post is about. I’m trying to figure out just why some people, of all ages and origins, like to be watched having sex. I don’t condone child porn or forced sex acts. These practices are as close to evil and people can get.
I’m looking at consenting, sane adults like me and you. I’d like to understand why some of us want to be viewed doing the most personal things we do. What is the advantage of exposing our animal-natural behavior to strangers? Why is giving up physical privacy a turn-on?
These questions are full of mystery and I have no answers. Maybe you do. Maybe you’re a Group B and know I’m over-thinking this. I asked a few Group B’s why they want to do porn or ARE doing it and I got these answers:
- Her: I love sex and I always wanted to try this. Me: Why?
- Him: It’s an easy way to make money. Me: But why THIS way to make money?
- Her: It’s exciting to do naughty things. Me: But why THIS kind of naughty thing?
- Him: Having people watch me is a turn on. Me: Again, why?
Humm… How many people really know why they do things?
Now that the internet delivers free “Adult” movies to the world and Group B adults are uploading their private sex tapes for all of us Group #1’s to watch, it seems to me that money is no longer the primary motivation for public exposure. Wannabe sex-star couples, triples and groups don’t have to be pros on film sets anymore. It’s anyone’s game and those happy folks down the street, well they’re goin’ for that watch-me thing too.
But why? For fame buried in a pool of thousands and thousands of porn flicks? THAT kind of measly fame? THAT kind of minimal relevance?
To be fair, I do know why some movie sex workers stay in the business. They are famous. They do make money there and they have a sense of family, of belonging to an exclusive group – a club membership with benefits. And those benefits are not just about paid sex. They are about friendships with really nice people. Yes, caring people, and kind and loyal. I know this from first-hand experience.
After graduating USC Film School as a potential movie director, but actually a desperate need-rent-&-food-money movie director, I finally landed my first job in 1970 directing three films – “Adult” films; my fragile exposure to public sex and the young guys and gals doing it. None of them were addicts or crazy or ever mentioned sexual abuse. Performers like that probably existed but not in my circle of friends.
So as I said, I’m not analyzing professional porn personalities. I’m writing about everyone else who screws in front of an audience, real or remote. I writing about the last smidgen of privacy we have left – what we do in bed and how those instincts are enthusiastically offered as entertainment.
Why is having open sex exciting for some and embarrassing for others? It can’t be just about a broadcasted watch me movie because there are swing clubs and salacious pre-wedding bachelor and bachelorette parties and the oral-sex-audience-participation strip clubs where no cameras are allowed. Is party bonking so mainstream now that it’s just another kick or intoxicated rite-of-passage?
I don’t know. Maybe it always was. I don’t think Group B’s think about it that much.
I met a younger woman a few years ago who told me she wanted to jump into porn but was afraid her thirteen year-old son would find her on the internet. She had good cause for concern. What amazed me was that she wasn’t worried about anyone else discovering her bouncing butt; like her parents, aunts and uncles, cousins, workplace friends or her book club ladies.
Humm… Must be everybody’s doin’ it so it’s okay now. Like getting tattoos and divorces. Still, not everybody’s doin’ it and I’m in the group that’s still clinging to privacy. But if someone asked me why I don’t want to be seen in the shower, I’d probably say, “I don’t know. I’m just like that.”
But that’s not good enough. I should know why I need to keep my sex drives closed to others when it’s not the trend anymore. Privacy, and the desire to maintain it, is diminishing everywhere, especially in the younger generations. Am out-of-step with the modern and courageous Free-World? Am I an old-fashioned, overly modest guy?
To find out, I typed some questions into my Google search window. First query: Why do people upload their sex tapes?
I found a bunch of How-to-Upload-Your-Sex Video instructional sites but only one place that gave any commentary about it. City-Data, a public forum, published a thread of uploaded reasons. Here they are. People do get paid something for their amateur uploads, it’s another way for narcissists to get attention, or exhibitionists, or to break taboos, or monkey see-monkey do, or it’s hip now. But no one had any follow up explanations as to the Why’s of all that.
So I tried another search question: Why is sex tape sharing popular? Got nothing there, except more how-to-share-your-sex video links.
Then I tried: Psychological studies of the pornography business.
Okay, some info, but almost all articles were written about the effects of pornography or the pornography business itself. Live Science told me that porn models don’t want to be studied and there’s a lack of funding for it. I figured that.
An article in Psychology Today (12/24/12) said that porn performers are generally not “damaged goods” and that they like sex more than the control group, presumable Group A. Porn people have more “sociosexuality” it said. Well yeah! But mating studies has nothing to do with desires for watch-me arousals.
“So I read the follow up Psychology Today article written a year later. Again it said:
…male and female performers reported higher self-esteem, earlier age of first sexual experience, greater enjoyment of sex, and a far greater number of sex partners (outside their profession).
The essay continued to talk more about high sociosexuality and personality types. Translation: What kind of person likes lots of sex with lots of people? My answer: (without laws, religion and potential pregnancy…) EVERYBODY does. We all want sex but not all of us want to be watched doing it.
On to the next article: Pornography actors: a qualitative analysis of motivations and dislikes. This was such a dry and boring research paper I couldn’t read it.
So I advance my search and typed: The Truth about Amateur Porn. Again, I found tons of sites devoted to uploading videos but only one that discussed it – The Huffington Post (2/12/14) and it said,
Amateur porn site Homegrown Video cataloged all video submissions they received over a six-month period. They found that almost one-third of homemade sex tapes submitted between July and December 2013 were created not in sexually liberal coastal cities, as one might imagine, but in the Bible Belt. Furthermore, 56.9 percent of videos were submitted by women.
So what? Who’s surprised? Not me. But where am I going with this? Psychological research about sexual privacy did NOT hit my eyes. Could it be that I’m the only dude who wants to know about it? Maybe I’m not supposed to. But maybe YOU are.
Do you care about your privacy? Do you know about the data brokers who don’t ask your permission as they profile your history. Do you know those companies sell your identity to anyone who wants to visit your computers and phones with advertising and solicitations?
Is Homegrown Video watching us? Of course not. But companies like Axiom, Epsilon and Experian are, and they’re not letting us watch them back. Homegrown does not care about my sexual orientation, health issues, religion, bank account, traffic tickets, age, gender or my driving locations and shopping habits. Homegrown and the people who show their naked butts on that site will not be pricing my purchasing preferences. And they’re not forcing me to watch fornication either.
So in that regard, porn sites are those neighbors down the street offering me whatever they have which I might want to take. On the other hand, I AM getting fucked by privacy thieves who spy on my internet clicks, use my smart phone to track me, dive into my credit and school grades and then log my life. Why are there no laws or religious morals that makes those practices downright wrong?
As we lose more and more isolation, I ask you to reconsider which group will be your home. Group A, who wants their lives totally self-controlled, closed and private? Or Group B who reveals it all and assumes they’re safe from predators?
I’m looking for an informed and practical Group C somewhere in the middle.